Joaquin Phoenix - Napoleon
Sony Pictures
Napoleon - Key Art- Joaquin Phoenix

 Sooo, what do we really know about Napoleon? Well, besides the fact that he was a military leader, his distinction for being short, and his delicious ice cream flavor (wait, that’s Neapolitan…never mind), our history classes haven’t given us anything new outside of the Battle of Waterloo and his adroitness at warfare.

While reading about his life and accomplishments may have been boring to some of us as a required text in school, the chronicles of Mr. Bonaparte are quite compelling.

In the new movie Napoleon, we get a peek into his days as a defense expert as well as his Blueface-and-Chrisean Rock-styled relationship with his wife.

Does this movie win the box-office battle, or does it lose the worthy of watching war? Let’s go!

‘Napoleon’ Review

Yo, microphone check 1,2 what is this? The five-foot assassin with the ruff neck business! The Ridley Scott-directed epic Napoleon stars Joaquin Phoenix, Vanessa Kirby, and Tahar Rahim.

This $200 million blockbuster delves into Napoleon’s rise to one of the world’s greatest war tacticians and his relationship with his wife Josephine.

You think you know General Bonaparte, huh? Nah, you have noooo idea.

When the opening scene starts with the decapitation of a well-known Queen, you know this film is gonna be all kinds of crazy!

Phoenix’s portrayal of the General is flawless.

In the writings and portraits detailing Napoleon’s image and personality, he fleshes the character out with supreme style.

We see how Napoleon’s love of France leads him to such intricate, genius battle decisions.

We also see how those victories begin to corrupt his mind into wanting more power, and how he stops at nothing to achieve it, no matter how many soldiers are killed.

As driven as he is for warfare triumphs, it is his drive for his wife, Josephine, that’s more vicious, and that drive usually drives them both off a cliff!

Kirby plays Josephine and maaaaan listen, she is outstanding!

She might have zero experience in battle but her ability to capture Napoleon’s heart and hold it hostage needs to be studied.

These two have the most volatile of relationships, toxicity is an understatement.

They hate each other, they love each other. Neither can live without the other.

These two serve as the blueprint for all the ridiculous celebrity marriages of our time.

When you have Napoleon, currently leading a battle, desert his troops to go home to see if his wife is really cheating on him, you know she has a hold on him!

This storyline is ill, but the battle scenes…COT-TOE-MIGHTY!  These scenes are 20% special effects, 80% real shyt!

The number of extras, horses, and artillery is unbelievable.

Imagine trying to choreograph hundreds of people to enact complex battles with precision – and nail it!

The set design, wardrobe, and cinematography are absolutely breathtaking.

You feel like you’re a part of the late 1700s/early 1800s as you watch.

For all the massive battle scenes and amazing dialogue, there are a few missteps.

A couple of characters aren’t developed properly which makes you wonder what happened to their lives.

And, I know some of you want to know if the rumor of Napoleon shooting off the nose of the Sphinx is addressed. Well, kinda.

Now, research has debunked this myth. Napoleon had nothing to do with this. HOWEVER, there is a scene where he looks at the Sphinx in awe but shoots something else, which is super inaccurate.

Ridley Scott blatantly plays on this rumor and perpetuates it, and in my Big Head Rico’s voice from the movie, Belly, “I don’t like that shyt. I’m bout to drop a dime!

That aside, Napoleon is an excellent piece of work. You won’t be disappointed.

I’m co-signing it to the fullest!

It’s a little more than 2 hours 30 minutes so get ready, and definitely see it in IMAX!

Hey, fun fact: Napoleon was the average height during that time. He may have been 5’6”, but his appetite for destruction was twice his height.

Check out Napoleon’s dynamite!

Do you plan to see the film?

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