Jurassic World movie review

 

Wassup, y’all!

Ok, there are some things that NEVER need to make a comeback. For instance: The Jheri Curl. That greasy-a$$ mess has ruined more couches than over-sexed teenagers! Who wants to hug a person and get curl juice on the side of their face? It’s like you’ve been slimed (I actually had one. Maybe that’s why I’m bald today). How ‘bout Flashmobs? What was that all about? Listen, I’m trying to shop. I don’t need a bunch of people singing and dancing off-beat in a mall or the streets spontaneously. If I wanted to see folks dancing to the words instead of the groove, I’d just watch reruns of “American Bandstand.”

While there are many, many other creations that need to stay dead, the one thing that any of us never, eeeeeever want to see resurrected are…dinosaurs. That’s right. You think traffic’s bad now, think about sharing the road with those big idiots! You know someone is gonna try to domesticate one. I’d rather take my chances with a loose pit bull than an unchained T-Rex any day! And, where would we keep them? The backyard? Homeowners Association will have a fit. The zoo? I hear dinosaurs and gorillas don’t get along (Anyone see King Kong vs. Godzilla?).

What about an amusement park? Hmmmm. Thousands of humans enclosed with hundreds of pre-historic, 47-feet long, 8-ton reptiles? What could possibly go wrong?

In the new movie Jurassic World, nothing goes wrong…except everything! Is this sequel as good as a Brontosaurus-Burger or does it need to get hit by a meteor and become extinct?

Let’s go!

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