Fifty Shades Of Black Review
Now, there are some movies upon the surface which may seem simple or insignificant, but once you watch them, the storyline relays a powerful hidden message. A movie could be marketed as a mindless comedy, or a plotless, shoot-em-up action flick. Once you settle in your seat and give that film a chance, you could be like, “Dayum, this is deep”. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it’s marvelous! It’s a hidden gem, an unexpected surprise like a cool toy at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. It is this mindset I had when I went to see “Fifty Shades of Black.” Maybe Marlon Wayans would drop a jewel in this parody. Maybe this would be a springboard for his transition into serious, leading man-type roles. Maybe I should hope for best but expect the worst. Having said that, will this movie be as humorously strong as Fifty shades of cognac, or will they have to re-name it “Fifty Shades of Wack”? Let’s go!
Marlon Wayans has done it again (whatever you interpret “it” to be)! The same Wayans who brought you films like “Scary Movie” and “A Haunted House” is back with his latest movie, “Fifty Shades of Black” which is a parody of the hyped up but disappointing “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Ok, uh, whew, where do I begin? Well, if you don’t know anything about “Fifty Shades of Grey”, it was an erotic romance novel about a deep relationship between a college graduate and a young businessman. The novel was famous for explicit sexual practices like bondage, submission, and S&M. Dayum! (Why is it that this book is accepted but when I look at KING Magazine in public, girls look at me in shame? Go figure…) Sooo, since the novel was a huge hit, someone decided to make a 514-page book a 2 hr 15 min movie, and Marlon Wayans decided to make a 2 hr 15 min movie a 92-minute parody. “Fifty Shades” has some funny and talented actors like Affion Crockett, Mike Epps, Fred Willard and even Jane Seymour. Willard and Seymour play Wayans’ parents, by the way. You can see how this movie goes based off that, alone. Kali Hawk, who plays Hannah, is the black dead-ringer for Dakota Johnson. She looks just like her. Sad thing is movie doesn’t allow her to grow. Now, a parody or any comedy for that matter can allow for great performances and character growth but not in this! Nope. It ain’t happening. Then again, this film isn’t trying to win any awards. Is it funny? Yeah, in some spots. “Fifty Shades” puts every stereotype on volume 10 and uses a lot of pop culture references…your typical Wayans spoof. His character, Christian Black, is a funny take on Christian Grey, but his comedy falls flat at times. When it does, he relies on predicable improvisations. He’s cool as long as he sticks to the script (which is terrible) but once he goes on his own, we got problems. Epps’ character is funny and his improv is on point, but he’s only in the film for a few seconds, so I guess that doesn’t count.
The sex scenes are hilarious! I mean, they touch on things you DON’T want to happen during sex. But once the sex is over, it’s back to reality. The following scenes which are intended to be funny start off that way but Wayans tries to milk it, and milk it, annnnnnd milk it. Now, that funny scene is tiring and seems to go on forever then you’re ready for something else…anything else! There are homages to the movies “Whiplash” and “Magic Mike” in some scenes; the former is dead and the latter could’ve been MUCH better. Then there are some scenes where maybe, just maybe, an underlying message is being sent. Oh, wait, more prolonged comedy. Never mind, the message has just been killed by the messenger. There really is no plot, no viable storyline, just a few very hilarious moments, a few of “now that shyt was funny” moments, no “aha” moments and a lot of moments where you find yourself thinking about which movie was better, this one or the original, because both of them were bad. Bad meaning bad, not bad meaning good. I hate to do it, but I had to throw shade at “Fifty Shades of Black”.
I hate giving bad reviews. Lord knows I do. But I’ll kill myself dead fo’ I lead you all astray! Obviously, there is a market for movies like “Fifty Shades of Black” because Wayans has achieved success with past parodies. People will go see this film. He has a fanbase and hey, they’ll check it out regardless of what I or anyone says. I was the only one in the theater when I saw it, and I was at the 12:25pm showing…true story. I almost didn’t want anyone to see me as walked out when it ended. It felt like I was going to be ridiculed for watching a dirty porno movie… I wish that was the case! This is gonna hurt me more than it’s gonna hurt you, but I have to give “Fifty Shades of Black” a Straight-to-DVD Co-sign. Now Marlon, I want you to go to your room and think about what you’ve done. And don’t think of any more parodies while you’re in there! Tough love, y’all. It hurts sometimes.
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